When the last remnants of my religion was stripped away...

I stopped praying after I left out of Walmart with an empty basket for the last time.
My son tried to cheer me up...but he knew there was no going back.
I lost my belief in God.
And it hurt.
It hurt because of all the years I've wasted believing a lie...a false tradition of religious control spanning centuries.
I looked back at my life and realized that it was ME that made it happen...

God didn't force me to join the service...I simply wanted to get away from my overbearing mother.
God didn't give me a son....I fucked a man and through that scientific process, a baby was concieved.
God didn't cause me to become homeless...I simply wanted to drop out of society and it just so happens that the van that I was living in broke down because I never even gave it a tune-up after driving over 100,000 miles.

I get it now...and boy does it hurt to realize that if I knew what I knew THEN...I would of probably done it differently knowing that it was ME that was responsible....not any outside disturbance.

I now know why so many religious people hold on for dear life to a deity outside of themselves...because when you realize that there is no one out there...you feel so alone...and no one wants to be alone.
But we are not alone...we have eachother.
And once we strip all this physical off...we will realize it was US all along..it always was!

King James hired scholars to write a book of laws and stories according to HIS liking..to control the masses through fear and powerlessness...of course if it was done any other way other than the king's way..those poor scholars would obviously be killed.
After all...they already lost their power to a King who knew the power was within himself all along.
I suppose that was why he was king.

 I feel bad for all the fearful people making all these preachers rich...but I realize that it was the perfect plan of  control...of mental slavery.

I used to feel unworthy without God or Jesus...they told me that I was.
The bible told me that I was.
And as long as a person feels unworthy...they give up their power.
 And who wouldn't want to give up their power for an entity who knows all, sees all, is jealous, who kills at will, and has the power to do any and everything your heart desires...

AS LONG AS YOU OBEY.

  I struggled with the little bit of food that we had left....starving myself so that my son could eat a meal.
I prayed that my credit card would work so that I could purchase three weeks of healthy meals...even if that meant I had to pay some overdraft fees...but I left out of Walmart with nothing but a hungry child and the last strip of faith I had in an outside deity as I waited for a ride back to a place that was not our home.

Why do children in other countries go without food or water?
Why do women get raped and children get molested?
Why are their so many people in prison for crimes they didn't commit?
Would GOD allow that to happen?
NO...but we do!

Blame humanity...blame ourselves!

I vow to take responsiblity for myself and not ever rely on outside forces that don't even exist to solve my problems...I am no longer a child!!!

  No longer I kneel in submission, wasting my time depending on something outside of myself to solve my issues...I am the issue...I am also the solution.

No longer will I give my power away to a community of self-loathing.
   I am in control.
   I AM.

And one day I will look back at all the bullshit I've gone through in my life and a tear of gratitude will fall...for that was the day the last remnants of my religion was stripped away.