"I'm a motherfucking Goddess!!" screamed the woman living in a box.

                            I ponder my existence and how we made it this far...
       I guess this is just one of my moments when after all is said and done....and the shit has not only hit the fan, but is beginning to change color like the autumn leaves on this blessed October day...


I manage to inhale and stand outside myself in order to assess my existence and make sure my fuck-ups aren't re-runs.


    And I hope life so far this year has been anything but boring....


I suppose what I'm trying to say is...
I am grateful for making it....

shit...


              It wasn't easy..


hell...everyday there was at least one thing that didn't go according to plan (again)


and my struggle for optimism in the current situation slowly fills that FUCK YOU bubble in my belly so big  until it hurts to walk...




Let the fart of idleness ease from my being like smoke from a choo-choo train...
                               and Lord......
             please make sure no one is around!


                             Anyways, I just try to stay focused and be happy..




 I managed to find a way to fake that shit until eventually I made it! 


                             I am Smokey Jane.

                               Welcome, all you hungry souls...

                   I am an all-purpose artiste' and a spokesperson for mental disability awareness and how it effects a person's life...
                                             Why?


                    Because, I am a product of mental disability....and it is still a struggle of mine.


                      I have been diagnosed with manic depression with schizophrenic tendencies..


                                           ( Some people call it just plain fucking crazy...)


                                                (And I can be a crazy bitch if provoked.)








Just like yesterday...




I think I'm pretty attractive..
I'm an excellent asset to my family.
I also think I'm talented and shit like that..


Cool.


But, how come I had to call the Suicide Hotline because I believed in my heart that I was no good for anyone and I really really really wanted to find my father's gun and blow my fucking head off.


Of course, if it wasn't for my family whom I love so dear....I might have.


But, as the people on the hotline spoke their love and kindness into my heart, they made me realize that my family would be devastated.


They would probubly would not like me after that either...as I thought about it.


And as I finished boo-hooing
 it dawned on me that killing myself would be damned selfish of me..


But that was yesterday...


Today?


I feel EXCELLENT!!
And, do you know WHY?


Three letters.




Can you guess?




Give up?








T.H.C.


I love it what it does for me!!!
Whether in a smokable form,
an edible form...
I can take it in the pussy or under my tongue...
I can crush it in a pill and take it with my fucking orange juice all I care!!!


Man, just as long as I got it handy....


I...feel...good.


And there's really nothing wrong with the other medications out there when it comes to certain people...
Everybody is different!


And I've had it all from the time I was seven years old.
You name it,


Haldol..
Risperdol..
Celexa...
Zoloft...
Paxil,
Wellbultrin,
Lexapro...
Seroquel...
Alcohol..
and Adderall...


and the only med that I need to which the only side effects for me is a little bit of the munchies...


             Is that MJ...
 
              That OG Kush...


             Those Northern Lights...


             The beloved lady White Widow...


             That Shiva or that seductive Purple Haze.


Trust me, I''m not only here to be poetic...
 There's something about it when I partake of it..
That makes me feel...


Focused and ON POINT!


Like, I know exactly what to do..
 when to execute...


Step by step by step..


I'm not worried about anything...

Nothing seems to bother me...


I am doing what I do and loving every minute of living RIGHT NOW...


It's where everyone should be..


Although, I found out that some people are that way naturally...


Hell, I wish I was one of THOSE people.


But, I'm not.

And it took me a long time to realize that.


Mental illness is a REAL fucking thing!!!




So, anyways...


 I'm not advocating weed for everyone in the world to use......


I just know that this is the reason why they call me
Smokey Jane.
Just, in case you might ask later.


Love you!
S.J.